Copple Creations, through our secret contacts, has received the latest commercial transcript from Moral Police Institute. Folks, this is a game changer. After introducing the revolutionary “Congressional Honesty Meter,” they have topped that with Cuss-No-More! Instead of spoiling it, here is the transcript for you to read, right from their mouth!
Video: Man talking to a wincing man.
Are you tired of being assaulted by verbal vulgarity and profanity?
Video: Man and woman watching a movie on their TV, grimacing.
Do you feel you have to endure endless foul language to watch a recommended movie?
Video: Mother pointing a finger and yelling at a small boy.
Do you fear letting one slip while disciplining your children, and tainting their young minds for life?
Video: Pyramid shaped object sitting in the palm of a hand.
Never fear! Cuss-No-More is here! From the Moral Police Laboratories comes a simple device that will totally sanitize your life!
Video: Hand reaches into screen and twists the top.
Simply turn it on, and all cuss words will be replaced with more pleasant equivalents. Let’s listen to how this will put you at ease.
Video: Boss, hands on hips, talking to a seated, smiling employee.
“Henry, what the Hades did I tell you? I want this mother bombing job done now!”
Video: TV Screen showing Gone With the Wind.
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a doom.”
Video: Irate customer at a service desk, representative smiling.
“Did you think you could get way with selling me this piece of poop! Hades no, doggy!”
Video: Picture of Cuss-No-More, with flashing words, “MORE”.
How much would you pay for stress free conversations? What treasure would you offer to never hear a dirty word again? $200? $100? 50? 25? NO! For the amazing price of $10, you can have one of these beauties to guard your tender ears.
You might be tempted to think this is a steal. And you’d be right. But if you order now, we’ll throw in the “Cuss-No-More Themes” replacement words too! This package includes:
Video: replay of Gone With the Wind.
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a photon torpedo.”
My Little Pony
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a cutie mark.”
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a timey-whimmy, wiggly-wobbly stuff.”
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a Cylon.”
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a force.”
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a hotaki.”
Or program in your own custom list.
Video: Return to picture of Cuss-No-More and CD labeled “Cuss-No-More Themes” laying next to it.
Yes, all this is yours, for a mere cup of coffee at Starbucks. Don’t delay, order your bombing Cuss-No-More, TODAY!
Audio: Low and fast talking announcer voice.
Not guaranteed to catch all words. Offer void where prohibited. No pyramids were harmed in the making of these devices, nor is Cuss-No-More a pyramid scheme. It can, however, double as a paper weight.